Looking forward to sunnier days

9 03 2009

So it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything on this wordpress. I’ve actually written quite a few entries, but didn’t feel like publishing any of them. Anyway, can’t believe it’s March already! Time is flying by so fast, and I’ll finally be completely done with school in a little  over 2 months. All I can say is, FINALLY!!

One thing I’m thankful for lately is the gorgeous weather we have been having this past week. I like winter and bundling up, but the gray skies and constant coldness take their toll after a while. I need sunshine, warmth, and some outdoor time! Absolutely can not wait till the sun starts shining AND it’s warm every single day. Plus the winter makes me heftier. My mentality becomes, ‘I can eat what I want because I’m going to cover myself with thick clothes anyway so no one will see.’ You get in trouble though on those random warm days which I guess serve as reminders that you can’t hide it forever. I’ve been better about it this winter though. Training for the Cherry Blossom 10 Miler is forcing me to stay in shape, but I think it’s also screwing up my knees. I usually run on the track so that I can tell how much I’m running, but afterwards there’s always some crucial soreness in my knees =/ I’ve been training since January and I’m kind of glad that I signed up. Before, the longest I’d ever run was 3 miles, but last week I finally reached 9! I of course can only do this with either 1 or 2 one minute breaks in between. I have to say that I used to hate running, and I still do a little bit, but while I’m running sometimes it’s just like an instant high (perhaps what crack feels like?) I guess it’s a combination of endorphins and the gratification from exceeding my weekly goal. Feels so good. Plus I look forward to the tasty and perhaps somewhat unhealthy treat afterwards that I tell myself I can eat for running so long 😀

I’d say the hardest part of all the training has been actually getting myself onto the treadmill/track. Before each run and when I start I’m always dreading the amount I’ve set aside for myself to run and how long it’s going to take. Sometimes I don’t think I’m going to make it, but I always make sure that I push myself a little more than the day before at the end. I guess before I could never get past 3 miles because I just didn’t push myself. I was content at 3, thought it was a lot relative to the amount I generally run, and thought running anything more was basically an impossibility. I’m training pretty diligently for this mini marathon but I wish I was this diligent in my own spiritual life. Things have just been dry for a few months now. I think last semester I was growing and then somewhere in the middle of it I just became too content and prideful with where I was and God definitely humbled me. I was “satisfied” with life, but not because I was satisfied with God alone, but because things in life seemed to be falling into place with other things and I kind of squeezed God in. I can always go deeper. There are so many aspects of God and His character that I still haven’t encountered yet, and at times I just get to a certain point and then stop there or just quit all together because I feel like I’ll never reach that far or I almost feel like I’ve gone “far enough”. I guess the challenge now is actually just getting myself back into the routine. It’s not that I forget or I don’t have time, but actually I find myself just thinking about doing it, but then avoiding it for some reason. Sometimes actually I feel like I’m so desperate to be in that “good place” again that I’m just looking for a quick fix. This might explain me avoiding doing QT…there’s a little part of me that’s desperately hoping that doing QT once is going to instantly “fix” me and make me grow. In reality though we all know it doesn’t work that way (usually at least) and I find myself avoiding it all together because I don’t want to be disappointed in the little progress I’ve made. It’s just like training for this marathon. I didn’t get this far in one day; it took me weeks to make this much progress and if I push myself harder who knows how far I can go. I know it’s a decision that I need to just make up in my head; to just keep my eyes and heart focused on Him and Him alone, but I feel like it’s a decision I am faced with and keep having to make every single day and I’m struggling like crazy. Rah anyway, enough writing for today.

On a random note: I miss taking Japanese and Spanish classes. Oyasumi nasai!

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2 responses

9 03 2009
Jelly

9 miles o_o

10 03 2009
spacesforgrace

woo hoo new entry.

whoa thats awesome, deepness in hereee

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